I don't think my palms could have been sweating anymore while we were waiting for my doctor to come into the office on Wednesday. I felt like I could have thrown up walking into the office, the last time I was there everything was perfect and I was big, huge and pregnant. Wednesday was complete opposite. Not only was I not pregnant, we were waiting to hear if anything came back from Connors autopsy. I have to admit that the results that have come back so far are very bittersweet. So far they have been able to tell us that we may have a possible cause for why Connor passed away, they found a blood clot in his umbilical cord. Walking into this appointment I was nervous but in the back of my mind I had myself convinced that she was only going to tell us there was nothing else found, but it was complete opposite. It took me 6 weeks to get used to the fact that we were never going to have a reason for why our son isn't with us right now, so to walk into the doctors office and have her have an explanation was hard. Of course we already knew that Connor was absolutely perfect, every parent feels that way but it's a very hard pill to swallow to hear from a medical stand point that your son was actually absolutely perfect.
The next thing we were very eager to know was if we were able to try again right away. Unfortunately we didn't get the exact answer that we wanted with that either. There is still a few tests that need to come back regarding why the blood clot could have formed, we need to find out if possible if it was a fluke or if there is a reason for it. We do however know that if there is a reason, there is possibly a solution. The next time I am pregnant my doctor suggested that depending on blood work results I can take a baby aspirin a day to help prevent any further blood clots in the future. These results can still take up to 6 weeks and after those results, she wants to see us again 4 weeks after that. That's 10 weeks of not trying to get pregnant, plus however long it takes for us to get pregnant, plus 8 months for my next pregnancy. That is a hell of a lot longer then we had anticipated.
Finding out all of these things in a 20 minute appointment was a lot to take in again. Not that the news we got was terrible, because it wasn't. It just wasn't what I was expecting so it was hard to hear and is hard to think about. Now that we have had time to talk it through with each other and family we have decided to just let whatever happens happen. If we have learned anything from what we have went through it's that things don't happen the way you plan them too. I want so badly to be pregnant again, to be holding my next baby in my arms. Hopefully everything else comes back normal and we finally get some good news, I personally think we deserve some.
The next thing we were very eager to know was if we were able to try again right away. Unfortunately we didn't get the exact answer that we wanted with that either. There is still a few tests that need to come back regarding why the blood clot could have formed, we need to find out if possible if it was a fluke or if there is a reason for it. We do however know that if there is a reason, there is possibly a solution. The next time I am pregnant my doctor suggested that depending on blood work results I can take a baby aspirin a day to help prevent any further blood clots in the future. These results can still take up to 6 weeks and after those results, she wants to see us again 4 weeks after that. That's 10 weeks of not trying to get pregnant, plus however long it takes for us to get pregnant, plus 8 months for my next pregnancy. That is a hell of a lot longer then we had anticipated.
Finding out all of these things in a 20 minute appointment was a lot to take in again. Not that the news we got was terrible, because it wasn't. It just wasn't what I was expecting so it was hard to hear and is hard to think about. Now that we have had time to talk it through with each other and family we have decided to just let whatever happens happen. If we have learned anything from what we have went through it's that things don't happen the way you plan them too. I want so badly to be pregnant again, to be holding my next baby in my arms. Hopefully everything else comes back normal and we finally get some good news, I personally think we deserve some.
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