The other night as Mark and I were driving home we were reminiscing about May 19th, the worst and best day of our lives so far. Looking back we both wouldn't have changed anything that we did in the hours leading up to the birth of Connor or in the days after. It's so crazy how in just ten or so weeks we will be experiencing the birth of our second baby and it will be a completely different one for us.
Some days it is hard to look ahead and plan for the future knowing now all too well that the future is never promised. I keep telling myself to go into the next couple months with a load of confidence and happiness. I know I have a lot of support behind me, from not only my family now but from all the lives touched by Connor. This time things will be different. This time the sound of our baby crying is going to fill the hospital room instead of the sad tears of family. We will have many sleepless nights, but not because the tears of what we have lost are keeping us awake, but because the tears of Connors brother or sister that need to be soothed are keeping us awake. Our arms will not be empty when we leave the hospital, they will be carrying a baby, a baby that will be coming home to stay not only in our memories and heart but in the nursery so well guarded by his or her big brother, Connor.
As time moves faster and faster towards new baby time I can't help but feel overwhelmed. How would Connor feel knowing we are going to bring home a new baby that will use the nursery made originally for him, that the clothes that were bought for him will be worn on a different baby (if a boy). Would he be upset knowing that the car seat that was supposed to fit his cozy seven pounds of cuteness is going to be used for his brother or sister? Or would he be happy knowing that we have learned so much that we couldn't let his memory live on in only us but in a little brother or sister as well. If I could tell Connor one thing it would be that this baby is not to replace him. There is a special place in Mommy and Daddy's heart that is just for him and will always remain just for him. No amount of time that passes will ever make that change and it will certainly never go away.
I know I may not keep up with my blog as much as I would like lately, but for awhile it was hard to write. As time passes I realize the amount of support I have from the people who read my blog, the comments and the love that everyone sends gives me so much confidence. The end of this pregnancy is coming and the beginning of a new chapter is about to start. As this new chapter starts, I want all the people who were there for us to be included, everyone makes this journey easier. Just a simple ear to listen or a heart to tell us they love us and are there for us makes so much difference!
Some days it is hard to look ahead and plan for the future knowing now all too well that the future is never promised. I keep telling myself to go into the next couple months with a load of confidence and happiness. I know I have a lot of support behind me, from not only my family now but from all the lives touched by Connor. This time things will be different. This time the sound of our baby crying is going to fill the hospital room instead of the sad tears of family. We will have many sleepless nights, but not because the tears of what we have lost are keeping us awake, but because the tears of Connors brother or sister that need to be soothed are keeping us awake. Our arms will not be empty when we leave the hospital, they will be carrying a baby, a baby that will be coming home to stay not only in our memories and heart but in the nursery so well guarded by his or her big brother, Connor.
As time moves faster and faster towards new baby time I can't help but feel overwhelmed. How would Connor feel knowing we are going to bring home a new baby that will use the nursery made originally for him, that the clothes that were bought for him will be worn on a different baby (if a boy). Would he be upset knowing that the car seat that was supposed to fit his cozy seven pounds of cuteness is going to be used for his brother or sister? Or would he be happy knowing that we have learned so much that we couldn't let his memory live on in only us but in a little brother or sister as well. If I could tell Connor one thing it would be that this baby is not to replace him. There is a special place in Mommy and Daddy's heart that is just for him and will always remain just for him. No amount of time that passes will ever make that change and it will certainly never go away.
I know I may not keep up with my blog as much as I would like lately, but for awhile it was hard to write. As time passes I realize the amount of support I have from the people who read my blog, the comments and the love that everyone sends gives me so much confidence. The end of this pregnancy is coming and the beginning of a new chapter is about to start. As this new chapter starts, I want all the people who were there for us to be included, everyone makes this journey easier. Just a simple ear to listen or a heart to tell us they love us and are there for us makes so much difference!
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