I decided to make myself another appointment about Connors autopsy report, it's made me think a lot the past couple of days. The chances of stillbirth are 0.5 percent, after your have had a stillborn your chances of having another double to 1 percent. Although we still have a 99 percent chance of having a better outcome, our chances in our last pregnancy were better then they are for the next time and we didn't get to bring our baby home. I can't deny that the outcome of the report hasn't really brought me any comfort, yet. The past 6 weeks I have thought that what happened to us was a complete fluke, now knowing that there is a reason that it happened makes it so much harder for me. I thought I would be happy to have a reason for why we lost Connor, but my heart aches more then I could have imagined. How can I take every precaution the next time when I thought I was this time. I fear the that I wont give my next pregnancy the joy and excitement it deserves, I'm going to be to afraid too. My doctor promises me that they will do everything they can for me the next time so that we get to bring our next baby home, but I fear it wont be enough. My mind lately has been my worst enemy, I continue to argue with myself constantly.
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