Dear Connor
You don't know this, but your father and I had planned on calling you C.J. That's why we named you Connor James. We talk about you everyday. We often wonder what you would look like, who you would be like and what we would be doing if you were with us right now. Life is very hard without you here. I would give anything to be able to hold you close and sing to you like I did every day that you were in my belly.
I had a popsicle today for the first time since I was pregnant. It's hard eating one and not having you start going crazy in my belly, I always loved feeling you kick and squirm all around, keeping me awake at night. Okay, well maybe I didn't love you keeping me awake at night, but right now I would love for you to be keeping me awake through the night. I wish I could kiss your little nose, hold your tiny little fingers and tickle your toes.
I hate that we never got to see your eyes and that we never got to hear you cry. I hate even more that we can't watch you grow up. I tried my hardest to get you here safely and I am so sorry that I couldn't. People say eventually the pain will go away and the shock will wear off, but I really don't think it will. How can you recover from something that you never saw coming? You have given us so much to be thankful for that I don't know if you will ever truly be able to comprehend it. Some days I wake up and I am so happy to have my own personal angel but other days I am angry that you had to be taken away from us before we had the chance to know you.
We went to visit you today, I managed to sit there without crying. It felt absolutely awesome to sit there and talk to you. Deep down I know you can hear me. We gave you a few fresh flowers, they were red carnations. You would have liked them, just like your Great-Nanny Marr, they were also her favorite. I like to think that your up there watching over us everyday holding on to your stuffed giraffe Georgie from your Aunt Dudey, that would make her super happy to know that you love it.
I miss you so much C.J.
I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.
You don't know this, but your father and I had planned on calling you C.J. That's why we named you Connor James. We talk about you everyday. We often wonder what you would look like, who you would be like and what we would be doing if you were with us right now. Life is very hard without you here. I would give anything to be able to hold you close and sing to you like I did every day that you were in my belly.
I had a popsicle today for the first time since I was pregnant. It's hard eating one and not having you start going crazy in my belly, I always loved feeling you kick and squirm all around, keeping me awake at night. Okay, well maybe I didn't love you keeping me awake at night, but right now I would love for you to be keeping me awake through the night. I wish I could kiss your little nose, hold your tiny little fingers and tickle your toes.
I hate that we never got to see your eyes and that we never got to hear you cry. I hate even more that we can't watch you grow up. I tried my hardest to get you here safely and I am so sorry that I couldn't. People say eventually the pain will go away and the shock will wear off, but I really don't think it will. How can you recover from something that you never saw coming? You have given us so much to be thankful for that I don't know if you will ever truly be able to comprehend it. Some days I wake up and I am so happy to have my own personal angel but other days I am angry that you had to be taken away from us before we had the chance to know you.
We went to visit you today, I managed to sit there without crying. It felt absolutely awesome to sit there and talk to you. Deep down I know you can hear me. We gave you a few fresh flowers, they were red carnations. You would have liked them, just like your Great-Nanny Marr, they were also her favorite. I like to think that your up there watching over us everyday holding on to your stuffed giraffe Georgie from your Aunt Dudey, that would make her super happy to know that you love it.
I miss you so much C.J.
I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.
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