This weekend was a lot of fun. It was so nice to just check-out for a bit and have a good time. Sometimes I find I don't let myself have a good time much anymore, it makes me feel guilty. When I'm out having fun it makes me feel like Connor thinks were forgetting about him, like were trying to move on even though were not. It's never about moving on, it's about getting some normalcy back into our lives. Emotions can be so complicated sometimes. One minute I'm having the time of my life, the next I can't function. I love the memories I have of Connor but sometimes it is just so hard. I'm constantly being reminded of the day Connor died.
That's the first time I ever referred to Connor as dying. I don't like saying that he died because the place he has in my heart is still so very alive and always will be.
No matter where I am or what I'm doing there is always something around that reminds me of my baby. Sometimes I just sit and stare at Mark cause there's so much of Connor in him, other times it's a song, a show or a commercial. The burnt CD that we have in the car when we came home from the hospital takes me right back to that day, May 18th. The very day we found out. When we drive through construction it reminds me of the intense contractions and busy roads when Mark was driving me to the hospital.
Ninety-eight percent of the time I can focus on the good that Connor has brought to our lives but the other two percent is so hard. The future that Mark and I have together is what we need to focus on and how Connor brought us so close together. Connor has educated us on how life doesn't always go the way you think it will and that you should never take life for granted. You need to live each moment like it's your last. Every time you hug a person you love, hug them like your never going to see them again. When you tell someone you love them, really mean it.
I still talk to you whenever I'm alone, and feel you when the wind blows. I wonder how you are and what your doing way up there. Are you laughing or are you crying cause you miss us all down here?
I wish I had the chance to hold you one last time, it hurts to know you never got to say goodbye. You're never really gone, your memory still remains. I miss you more then words could ever help me to explain. This road I'm on will end and I will see you again.
I'll see you when the set runs out, when the song ends and the curtain falls. I'll see you on the other side and you can show me what it's like. You'll smile and take my hand and I'll ask, how you been?
When I see you again ♥
That's the first time I ever referred to Connor as dying. I don't like saying that he died because the place he has in my heart is still so very alive and always will be.
No matter where I am or what I'm doing there is always something around that reminds me of my baby. Sometimes I just sit and stare at Mark cause there's so much of Connor in him, other times it's a song, a show or a commercial. The burnt CD that we have in the car when we came home from the hospital takes me right back to that day, May 18th. The very day we found out. When we drive through construction it reminds me of the intense contractions and busy roads when Mark was driving me to the hospital.
Ninety-eight percent of the time I can focus on the good that Connor has brought to our lives but the other two percent is so hard. The future that Mark and I have together is what we need to focus on and how Connor brought us so close together. Connor has educated us on how life doesn't always go the way you think it will and that you should never take life for granted. You need to live each moment like it's your last. Every time you hug a person you love, hug them like your never going to see them again. When you tell someone you love them, really mean it.
I still talk to you whenever I'm alone, and feel you when the wind blows. I wonder how you are and what your doing way up there. Are you laughing or are you crying cause you miss us all down here?
I wish I had the chance to hold you one last time, it hurts to know you never got to say goodbye. You're never really gone, your memory still remains. I miss you more then words could ever help me to explain. This road I'm on will end and I will see you again.
I'll see you when the set runs out, when the song ends and the curtain falls. I'll see you on the other side and you can show me what it's like. You'll smile and take my hand and I'll ask, how you been?
When I see you again ♥
RSS Feed