I can't believe it has been six months since I was being discharged from the hospital, leaving with empty arms and a heavy heart. Not a day goes by that I don't think about Connor and how life would be if he was here. No matter what people say, it doesn't get any easier. I have been doing really good until the other day when I went to find something to put out at Connor's grave for the winter. Walking around the store I just couldn't find anything perfect enough, something that expressed how much we love and miss him or something that symbolized his first Christmas that is just around the corner. Everything I seen just wasn't good enough.
My emotions have been way up then way down lately there has been no rhyme or reason to how I feel. By no means am I complaining, even though life has been crazy lately I have nothing to complain about. On the upside, we have about six more months left to go until we meet new baby Elliott. This baby likes to give Momma backaches, headaches, nausea and pure exhaustion but I wouldn't have it any other way. I will do whatever I have to do to get this little baby here in our arms, I will live in the hospital if I have too. I find that I haven't quite let myself believe that I am pregnant again or at least I didn't until November 1st when Mark and I seen our new sweet baby during an early ultrasound and heard his or her heartbeat. I am sure my blood pressure was at an extreme high but I couldn't hold back the emotions that I was feeling when I seen those tiny little legs and arms moving around and his or her heart beating just the way it should be. I talk to Connor every night and ask him to watch over his new brother or sister, to keep him or her safe. I'm sure he is up there just rolling his little eyes because I worry too much, but Momma can't help it. It seems to be what I do best.
Connor is our sunshine, this baby is our rainbow. After our sunshine came the biggest storm of our lives, but this baby will bring a rainbow for all of the people who were touched by our loss.
My emotions have been way up then way down lately there has been no rhyme or reason to how I feel. By no means am I complaining, even though life has been crazy lately I have nothing to complain about. On the upside, we have about six more months left to go until we meet new baby Elliott. This baby likes to give Momma backaches, headaches, nausea and pure exhaustion but I wouldn't have it any other way. I will do whatever I have to do to get this little baby here in our arms, I will live in the hospital if I have too. I find that I haven't quite let myself believe that I am pregnant again or at least I didn't until November 1st when Mark and I seen our new sweet baby during an early ultrasound and heard his or her heartbeat. I am sure my blood pressure was at an extreme high but I couldn't hold back the emotions that I was feeling when I seen those tiny little legs and arms moving around and his or her heart beating just the way it should be. I talk to Connor every night and ask him to watch over his new brother or sister, to keep him or her safe. I'm sure he is up there just rolling his little eyes because I worry too much, but Momma can't help it. It seems to be what I do best.
Connor is our sunshine, this baby is our rainbow. After our sunshine came the biggest storm of our lives, but this baby will bring a rainbow for all of the people who were touched by our loss.
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